Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Guide: How To Determine If You Should Befriend / Sack Your Ex

I typed this post two weeks ago and as per usual, I kept putting off posting it because I have issues with my brain, "Is this post good enough and worth being read?". After careful thought, I decided I should just post it and hope this will help someone if not everyone! 


Based on the title, I will share my thoughts and my “tried and tested ways” to decide if you should befriend your ex or remove her/him from your life for good. 

Should You Befriend OR Sack Your Ex!


Recently, I had an interesting conversation with a friend. 

She/he asked me if in the future she/he happens to encounter a circumstance where the relationship she/he had with a friend of mine ended, would I still befriend she/he. (Sorry with the “she/he” reference, I have to disclose the identity.)

After a few moment of silence, I said, “To me, I find holding on a feeling/situation that has happened in the past very time-consuming and a waste of energy as well as your peace of mind. And yes, I will still be your friend.” Then we fist-bumped. Is it a friends-for-life seal? Probably.

Okay, enough with the preface, let’s get done with business. ;p


Here are the steps I have used and some I added myself (which I think is necessary): 

Determine if she/he has any value for you.

Okay I admit this sounds cold and heartless but to move on with your life and live to the fullest is to be at peace.

Value does not necessarily means “materialistic” or “possessions”.
Value in this context means what effect she/he has on you.

Consider this questions:
Does she/he makes you feel empowered when you were together?
Does she/he treat you with respect when you were together? 
Would you give a second chance to her/him for when your path somehow crosses again?

If the answers are NO, proceed with the next steps. 

Delete/get rid of everything that will remind you of her/him.

There are pictures in your phone and laptop? DELETE THEM.
Those printed pictures/gifts sitting around? DONATE/DISPOSE/BURN (if needed and please do it carefully.)
Connected with social media platforms? UNFRIEND/BLOCK.

The point is, just do something or get rid of what you can so that it can prevent you from stalking / make an attempt to contact / longing for the past relationship that won’t be fruitful (if given the chance to do so). 

Mourn the end of the relationship.

Do whatever floats your boat.

If you feel like crying to your heart’s content, DO IT.
If you want to scream at the top of your lungs till you are out of breath, SCREAM LIKE YOU MEAN IT.
If you want to watch sappy movies, WATCH THEM.
Want to spill the details with a friend? CALL THEM.*

Just do whatever to get it out of your system. It will help you feel better afterward. Yes you might feel like shit for the next few hours, but after a good night sleep (or maybe a few), it will be better.

*P/s: If you decides to do this, please call at an appropriate time and afterwards, please move on with your life and stop complaining. As much as that friend of yours wants to be a supportive friend, calling them at 3 am on work/school night is not ideal and just remember they also have other problems to deal with far more important than your pitiful breakup story.

Spend time for yourself.

Now that you’ve got the feelz out of your system, pay attention on yourself.

Doll yourself up and go out with friends. Pamper yourself with a good spa session. Watch some movies. Go hiking. Go bowling. Karaoke to your heart’s content (preferably Linkin Park songs, maybe you can replace Chester in the future, LOL). Have The Big Bang Theory Marathon. Find a new hobby. 

Reset your focus.

Finally, reset your focus. Focus on how you can make your life better and yourself happier. Set new goals. Have more fun. Stop dwelling on the past.

Life’s wheel keeps moving forward, never backward!


What do you do if you are going through a breakup? Would you still be friends with you ex? Would you still be friends if your friend broke up with your best friend? 

Let’s share our thoughts!

P/s: Currently it is 3.33am on 22nd November and I can't sleep after 2 cups of coffee and I complained I don't have time, but when I rethink what I said, I do have time to binge watch The Big Bang Theory and currently I just started the 1st episode of season 8. WOW. Good job Nazihah. (-_-')

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